Melanie Page

D. Tannen (1994) is slowly making me angrier with Talking from 9 to 5: Men and Women in the Workplace, because I am digging into all these memories of watching my parents’ dynamic, both at home and with their colleagues, and how poorly they fit in. My dad could not stand working with other men who played pranks and thought bodily functions were funny. My mom loathed working with women who asked questions about her personal life and positioned themselves as “girlfriends” rather than coworkers. While I understand Tannen’s work, I do not relate to it.  

As Tannen explored women in authoritative positions, men used “mom” or “mommy” in a pejorative way. However, the manager style women tended to adopt was to go around checking on everyone’s happiness and asking about their lives outside of work. That sounds like a mothering hen to me. Also, why does a boss need to know about my personal life? I am suspicious of such people because I am not a “family member” at my workplace, nor can I be friends with someone who has the right to hand down punishment to me. In fact, when Tannen explained how men manage, I wrote a giant “YES” in the margins. Consider how an orchestra conductor keeps the whole group unified but does not go around checking to see if each musician has been practicing, needs help practicing, and asking how their family is doing. After years in orchestras, I can say with confidence that a good conductor has a vision and trusts his/her musicians to bring it to fruition without trying to layer on friendship. 

One part of the chapter I found compelling discussed how women diminish how important errors are in a subordinate’s work. An example noted a female boss pointing out errors in their employee’s work, concluding, “Other than that, it’s a fine letter” (p. 179). I immediately thought of the young female, who is a licensed interpreter, who visited our class. She watched a couple of our GoReact videos in which the signer discusses his car hobby. Despite the interpreters missing entire concepts, or voicing the wrong concept in some places, the young interpreter would say, “Oh you did X [something small], but overall, great job!” That day, I wondered, “What does she mean great job if we are missing a series of concepts?” (e.g., the whole section on transmission fluid). In general, when the young interpreter got excited about her topic, she diminished herself by apologizing constantly. I’m starting to think Talking from 9 to 5 is less about communication styles that come naturally to men and women and more about self-esteem. There are several books that explore the notion of women who are “too much,” as in not constrained enough for gender expectations. As I watched the gracious, skilled, intelligent young interpreter do her presentation, I kept thinking, “Oh, she knows somewhere, deep down, she’s ‘too much’ for society, and she is so wrong. She’s great.” 

Reference 

Tannen, D. (1994). Talking from 9 to 5. Virago.