Melanie Page

Before reading chapter four in D. Tannen’s (1994) book Talking from 9 to 5: Men and Women at Work, I had never heard of women being “marked” and men having the privilege of being “unmarked” (p. 109). It is easy to notice the variety in women’s clothing, which, for some of us, makes it hard to get dressed and feel good. However, that “feel good” part felt personal, not a statement. And yet I do try to make statements with my clothes; I have found myself wondering if I looked cool enough for a party with friends; dignified enough for the Christmas party at Notre Dame, where I want to dress to elevate my husband in the eyes of others; or look respectable enough for a physician to see me and not just a fat person. The only thing my husband worries about with his clothes is whether the colors of his pants and shirt clash—because he’s color blind. Therefore, I now realize I was trying to send messages to others with my clothes choices but assumed my strategy was me navigating a poor sense of self-worth. 

I also appreciated Tannen’s example of a student assuming she was a secretary, and thus it was fine to intrude on Tannen’s time. I know a mother’s time is used up by the needs of the people in the house, both adults and children of any age, but I had not considered the way in which that dependence translates into the workplace. It makes more sense now that I think about why so many students at Holy Cross College, both my own and those who knew me through reputation (the college typically has around 450 students on campus), would come to my office for feedback on writing assignments for other professors. I remember thinking they came because they liked or trusted me, which may be true, but were there no other trustworthy, likeable professors? 

Lastly, in the hospital setting, Tannen wrote that a special surgeon found she could work well with her team with this communication tactic: “…ally yourself with them and respect them as professional colleagues…” (p. 123). What surprised me was that male surgeons do not feel the need to ally themselves with or respect their teams. Instead of showing that women doctors change themselves to gain the trust of the team, I felt Tannen revealed that male doctors cared less about establishing a collaborative work environment. They assume the boss tells and the employees do; what more is there to establish? What is frustrating, though, is in my experience I have had male bosses who worked to foster mutual respect until it came time to make decisions, which they felt they could determine unilaterally, thus disambiguating any notions that we were a team. In fact, I have had more women bosses who describe the group as a “department” or “colleagues” and more male bosses refer to us as “friends” or a “team.” 

References 

Tannen, D. (1994). Talking from 9 to 5. Virago.